The Surprising Love Couples Find in Hard Times

When looking into my friend’s bright, blue eyes I felt a glimmer of hope growing in my heart. It was like discovering some blue sky when being surrounded by dull darkness. I told her that I couldn’t believe that I was meant to fall in love with my husband, to lose him just after a few months. She just listened. And while I was talking I felt the spark of a decision expanding in my entire body. 

I wouldn’t accept that our love relationship would end this way even if I had to turn the eternal rules of life upside down. I declared fight to everything and anyone that would take my husband away from me, even if it were death itself.  And while those thoughts crossed my mind the warmth of life returned into my body, despite sitting in the chilly waiting room of the hospital. 

Be it a life-threatening disease, a deep disappointment or a fatal loss … those are the stories of life where we start to live in the moment. That’s when we sharpen our focus on one single, important thing. Suddenly the past becomes completely irrelevant, as well as the future, as it seems out of control. Expectations and assumptions are all questioned. It’s just about overcoming and surviving this challenge.

In hard times, couples open up their hearts to each other. 

The masks fall and reveal the true inner selves with all their fears, hopes and pain. We stop speaking from the rational mind, and instead we start uncovering our profound, inner truth. The “now” becomes the most precious gift. Decisions have to be made that will have a drastic impact on the course of love and life. 

And without being aware, we become heroes and heroines. 

We step out of our comfort zones and step out of secure and well-known boundaries, as there’s no hope for help anymore. We throw ourselves into the wild waters of life and love, ignoring that we never learned to swim. We let ourselves to the cosmos of being and hope to be supported and guided. 

We share the moments of “now” in silence while the thoughts rush through our minds … and we hear our partners quietly crying in pain.

Hard times are moments of weakness, power, courage and deep, intimate connection.

I know this, as I have faced them several times in my life. The scars persist forever, however, they don’t just mark suffering. They are precious gifts that remind us of our commitment to stand firmly with each other. 

Couples find love in hard times because they create an invisible bond at their soul levels. 

The rock on your finger is just a superficial symbol in comparison to the common scars of hard times. Those are the ones that grow a powerful and rock-hard connection between a couple’s hearts.

But where do you turn when life falls apart? Here are five “Survival Attitudes” for couples.

Make them supportive “Butterfly Habits” whenever your life becomes cloudy.

1) Break the Chain

Take your time and become sensitive about the chain of your decisions, actions and consequences that guided you to this downhill roller coaster of life. You can’t change the past, however, you can stop creating more dreadful chain links. This is the first thing you need to gain clarity about quickly.

2) Radical Reduction

When couples face challenging times they mostly feel overwhelmed. Therefore, they have to take care of their personal energy in the first place. In hard times, it’s important to skip anything that diminishes personal force and anybody who sucks your optimism and hope dry. Couples need to put themselves as a top priority. Sharing an evening walk can become more important than anything else. Recovering energies, and creating realms of love and connection are essential in order to handle hard times successfully.

3) Train to Touch

Hard times often generate inner feelings of loneliness and disconnection. Therefore, physical touch becomes more important than ever. Be it a loving hug, a tender kiss or just holding your partner’s hand … it connects and transmits more than a million words could ever do. Within seconds, you clear away loneliness and generate feelings of support and shelter.

4) Remember Success Remedies

Confidence generates determination and will. Therefore, it’s critical to keep self-esteem and self-confidence on a high level. In hard times, it is very helpful for a couple to remember past challenges they overcame successfully. Side by side as a couple you broke through walls and overcame nasty obstacles. Tell each other that what you did once you can do once again.

5) Connect to Cosmos

Some call it cosmos, the universe, God or divinity. You are not alone as a couple when facing hard times. Connect to the invisible forces that surround you and ask for help. Make it a non-negotiable ritual to meditate on this beautiful quote from William H. Murray in a daily manner:

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way."

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Now I would like to know which is your personal "Survival Attitude?"

Please reveal as much detail as possible, as your share may be exactly what someone else needs to hear right now while having a hard time.

And if you found this article helpful, please pass it along to your closest friends and colleagues – anyone you think could use a little extra support. 

With a butterfly kiss, 


June 17th, 2015