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The #1 Trap that Keeps Women Struggling with Love Gloom

Do you know this situation? You’re entering any room of your home and you immediately focus on the things that are “wrong.” You see shoes lying around, the scissors that haven’t been replaced in the drawer where it belongs to, the cushions on the sofa are still crumpled from last evening and the dust on the table is in urgent need of a cleaning plan. Your perception impacts your mind … and this one is going to direct your next activities. The daily to-do list or agenda is just a reflection of that automatic behavior. 

The same process happens to your love relationship. You are programmed to perceive all these things that are misbalanced or not “in place.” And that’s the source of love gloom. By definition “gloom” is a low level of light, which is so dim that there are physiological and psychological effects like melancholy, hopelessness and pessimism. The opposite of love gloom is a balanced perception of love reality. You don’t just focus on the aspects that lack quality, you also are conscious of the facets in your love relationship that shine bright and you can be grateful about.

If you ignore this pattern of negativity you keep shaping your life for the opposite of the kind of life you want. Your thoughts, emotions and activities are like magnets. The more you think about the negative things in your love relationship the more they seem to grow until they cover the positive aspects. Your own negativity rules your romantic partnership! 

But the more your think positively instead, the more proactively you will act, and you will begin to reach your goals. You will find ways to overcome challenges and improve your sensitivity and creativity for positive options that will bring their rewards. You might ask yourself now: “how can I face this inner negative voice?”

The following techniques are my most favorite ones to prevent love gloom:

Technique #1

Studies demonstrate that even a forced smile can lift one’s mood. As a smile is no risk I encourage you share positivity with your partner by flashing him with a bright smile. Don’t let negative thoughts have power over you.

Technique #2

Many good events can overcome the psychological effects of a bad one. Offer criticism right off the bat and then tag on a list of positive attributes. In fact, Roy F. Baumeister, a professor of social psychology at Florida State University suggests a ratio of five goods for every one bad. By keeping this in mind, you also train your perception for the bright aspects of your love relationship.

Technique #3

Change the negative thought into a positive one. Instead of focusing what could go wrong or already is wrong in a situation, change your thought to what could go right or already is right. Your mind can only handle one thought at a time … decide whether it will be a positive or a negative one!

Technique #4

Most people can only take one critical comment at a time. When you are facing a discussion in your love relationship be aware of that principle. Stop your partner by telling him: “Let me think about this. I am willing to hear more criticism but not all at one time.” This way you can balance your own emotional state that impacts your communication style and the subsequent consequences. Give your partner only one critical comment, allowing him to process it, and providing additional comments at a later time. That way you’re showing giving and receiving critical comments.

Excuse me now. I’m off to read my kudos file. And if you would like to add to it, feel free. My email is fanny(at)fannyritter.com. 

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October 30th, 2014

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