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How to Date your Husband

Falling in love is a state of emotional imbalance … just a positive one. Butterflies are not only in your stomach; they are also in your head. And this makes you feel beautiful, happy, appreciated and in harmony with the entire world. Unfortunately this emotional unbalance does not last forever. It is a natural law that rain follows sun and that a flood follows the tide. But what does this mean for love? Is love doomed to vanish? Is love doomed to melt away like ice cream in the summer heat? 

I observe two tendencies how love changes in a marriage over the years: either it grows deeper, or it becomes accustomed to being together. Love dies by routine when couples don’t take care of it. Ask yourself:  “as an outside observer can I detect still subtle songs of love?” And yes … I emphasize subtle. When falling in love and marrying the sparkles of love are obvious for any person. But when a couple slides into routine, priorities change to other things or persons, and love is going to die, as there isn’t time dedicated to it any more. 

When a couple has been married for a few years there are several shifts taking place in the relationship: 

But how can a woman escape this dark scenario of a marriage? How can a woman keep the spark alive?

The answer to those questions is: “date your husband!”

Why is it important to "date" the spouse, i.e., pretend like one is still trying to win a spouse over?


A woman who doesn’t take care of her love doesn’t take care of herself. Dating her spouse simulates the feeling of love from the inside out. She feels desirable and strengthens her self-esteem. She can enjoy the game of winning his heart over … because she already succeeded once. A woman who is dating her spouse remains mysterious and desirable to her man. And the most important reason why a woman should “date” her spouse is … she treats him like a lover! And that’s what reignites a spark in love relationships.

Is it even more important when you've been together for a while? Why or why not?

The longer a couple is married, the greater the risk that the routine takes over. And daily routine kills the butterflies of love. Therefore it is even more important to practice “dating the spouse” when a couple has been together already for a while.  

What are some things that married couples can do to feel like they're dating again, even if they've been married for a few years?

Dating the husband won’t be the same as when you fell in love with him the first time. Nevertheless, curiosity is the most powerful aphrodisiac and reawakens the butterflies of love. In my book Butterfly Habits: How to Make Your Honeymoon Last Forever I suggest that a woman starts playing the “Secret Game:” hidden love notes, a secret tenderness under the table when invited to dinner, a seductive glance during a barbecue with friends. Play every card in your hand. There are plenty of opportunities to renew flirting. Maybe your husband gets irritated at the beginning, but . . . trust me, men love to play games and can’t resist the temptation of secrets and surprises.

And reinvent kissing! When your spouse leaves home for work, or an errand, or for any reason, kiss him as if this would be your last kiss ever. When your partner comes home, kiss him as if he is the grandest thing that entered your life right now. Finally, a woman should keep in mind that kisses release the sexual bond to make love … last.

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What's your personal secret to keep bliss in your love alive?

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January 31st, 2015

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